Most of the problems with this essay are not related to the grammatical use of English. That is fine.
It's not uncommon for people to revert to babytalk and infantile ideas when they are aware that their vocabulary is limited.
Resist that tendency.
This essay was not worth reading, and only partly because the assigned topic makes it hard to come up with anything worthwhile to say. It makes it hard -- but not impossible. You should have done more work to express these banal ideas in a more appealing way -- varied sentence structure, maybe, and a spicier vocabulary.
Almost everybody has a mobile phone. But is it a great invention? I think there are both advantages and disadvantages.
> This is a poor intro. It has no life, no "snap." It doesn't draw the reader in. It is plodding, obvious, and dull.
> For a tiny piece like this one, the opening sentence should be what is called a "hook." A hook grabs the reader's attention and makes him want to read the following passage.
> Until you do the mental work to come up with an intro that is a "hook," don't bother to write one at all. A bad intro is worse than none.
> Delete these sentences
Today, mobile phones have become popular to everybody since they are convenient.
> It's not easy to come up with something interesting to say when the material is self-evident.
> But don't make it worse by using the most stodgy and boring sentence structure available.
Because of the great convenience of mobile phones, they are now a modern-day must-have -- the 21st century equivalent of a businessman's fountain pen.
The most advantage of having a mobile phone is you can communicate to your family, your friends, and your business no matter what where you are.
> If you must say the self-evident, at least try to make the expression fresh or lively.
Jetting to Europe or stalled in traffic, with your mobile phone you're always in touch with your family, your friends, and your business.
We also use special applications for listening music, playing games, surfing the net, and texting messages.
> The problem with writing down something that everyone already knows is that it makes it sound like you are writing a story for people who are six years old.
> It is crucial that you remove that problem by saying these infantile things in a spicy or interesting way.
Special apps for texting, listening to music, playing games, and surfing the web keep ourphones plugged into our heads around the clock.
> "Besides that" means "in addition to that"
> You use "besides that" when you are going to add more of the same
> But in this case, you are not adding more of the same
> You are turning the direction of your remarks around
> For that use, the correct conjunction is "but"
there are lots of disadvantages.
> This ends rather abruptly
> for a better transition, add something more
be careful. There are also some disadvantages to using our beloved cellies.
Using mobile phones can harm our brains, especially for those who are under the age of sixteen.
> Unless "we" are all under the age of 16, it is better to refer to it as "the brain," rather than "our brains."
> Since this is far from a known fact, it is better to place the data in the opinions of SOME people
Some researchers have claimed that mobile phones are harmful to the brain, especially for children.
Excessive use of mobile phones has been accused of causing dizziness, and "radiations emmitted from the phone are dead harmful for the eardrum" , say many scientists.
> "Many" scientists do not say this, and it is no doubt scientifically false
> ONE scientist said this
> He even used a slang expression in his quote: "dead harmful" is not standard English; it is a personal idiosyncrasy of speech.
> The remark is in quotation marks, which means that it is a direct quote directly from the mouth of a specific person
> "Many scientists" did not stand up all at once and chant this line, so you can't attribute a specific utterance to a group.
> If you don't know his name, you can write "according to a publicity-seeking quack quoted in a tabloid journal of bad repute" or something like that
> "emitted" is spelled wrong
Excessive use of mobile phones has been accused of causing dizziness, and "radiations emitted from the phone are dead harmful for the eardrum," according to one researcher in the field.
In addition, when we use mobile phones while we are driving, we will get in an accident.
> This is logically false, and the ridiculous and simplistic nature of statements like this contribute to making this piece infantile
> Using cell phones probably increases the risk of accidents
> It is now considered un-PC to call them "accidents" on the grounds that they are caused by avoidable driver misconduct
> traffic accidents are now called "car crashes"
In addition, using a mobile phone while driving hikes the risk of getting into a car crash.
In summary, mobiles are a great invention but they still have many issues. You have to protect yourself from the bad effects of mobiles if you choose to have one.
> Just delete this on the grounds that it is not adding a single thing that would repay the reader the trouble of seeing it.
> It is not interesting, amusing, entertaining, informative, new, or any of the millions of other reasons why we might read something.
> Do some mental work to think of "What would be good to say in conclusion? What can I say to wrap this up that would be good to read?"
> A teeny piece like this, with almost no ideas in it, does not need a "summary."
> You might give it a "conclusion" just so it doesn't end so abruptly
> But a conclusion is not just a dull repeat of the self-evident and dull stuff that we JUST HEARD 15 SECONDS AGO!!!
> Not unless you are writing for people who are 6.
> You can't say "they have issues." It's ridiculous.
> Think of some interesting way to CLOSE the passage, not "summarize" it.
Mobile phones have really changed the way of communications. Cell phones are the most used communication tool today. But they are not just limited to communication purposes today. Read on to find out importance of mobile phones in our daily life.
Mobile phones are crucial part of our lives these days.
Gone are the days when mobile phones were considered as luxury thing to have with. The growing competition in mobile manufacturers has lowered the prices of mobile phones to that extent that nowadays, buying a mobile phone is not a big deal. Just spend a few bucks and you are proud owner of a mobile phone. In today’s time, it’s very hard to find a person who does not own a mobile phone. The small gadget is a basic necessity of life. But why everyone tags the mobile phones as basic necessity of life? What is the importance of mobile phones in our lives? Here is the answer.
Easy Way of Communication
What the mobile phones are meant for? Yeah, you answered it right- for communication. So the first and foremost role that mobile phones play in our lives is that they provide us an easy and fast way of communication. Go wherever you want, whenever you want; your mobile phone will stay you connected with all. Got an important message for your friend/family member? Just send instant SMS or call straight away and make your important message reach the intended person in no time. Simple!
Internet Access & Social Media
The Internet is one of the biggest blessings to man by technology. One just cannot imagine the life without the Internet. Everyone likes/wants to stay connected with the Internet all the time. Thanks to the mobile phones that make it possible. The mobile phones let users enjoy the social media on the go. A major part of modern world is addicted to social networking sites. Mobile Phones let them be active in social media on the move.
Mobile Phones Save Money
Yes, they do. Just buy mid-range or high-end mobile phone, and ultimately, you become proud owner of many gadgets, the gadgets that are packed in the mobile phone. For example, by buying mobile phone, you don’t need to spend money on a home phone, you don’t need to buy any music or video player, you don’t need to buy radio etc. If the mobile phone is high-end, then you need not to buy gaming console and maybe a computer as well.
Mobile Phones Ensure Safety
The mobile phones provide us security. How? Well, to understand this better, just consider any situation in which you urgently need to contact fire brigade or police. What would you do in such case? The landlines are not available everywhere, but the mobile phones do. Just take your mobile phone out, dial the number and that’s it. Your one good step of buying mobile phone will prove as great money saver for you.
Mobile Phones Helps in Business
Got an important message for your client or employee? Pick up your mobile phone and communicate with the intended person straight away. Since businesses require constant communication, so one just can’t imagine any business without the use of mobile phones. And with all those new smart phones available in market these days, a businessman can organize the schedule and set reminders, so he does not forget any important meeting. Mobile phones come packed with lot of business apps which makes their life easier. Thus mobile phones are like a boon for businesses.
So, folks! These are the main benefits of having mobile phones in our life. Now it’s your turn, tell us why Mobile phone is important for you in the comments below.
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